Kirby's Chat Thing S1
by LegoMink
Summary: This is a new thing Kirby is trying. He came in to my 'office' one day, and demanded he be allowed to share his views on certain topics. I had no choice but to let him. So, here you go! K plus because Kirby might get a little...angry sometimes.
1. E1 Pilots

**Kirby's Chat thing**

**Episode 1 – Pilots**

Hello there. As this is the first episode (hopefully of many) of my little rambles, I decided that since it's known to Americans and various other races who support Prime Time, as a 'pilot episode', I would make it about Pilots!

So, pilots. Yes, those men (obviously we're in the land of generalisations) who get into those flying things known as planes and fly around a bit. I've always been impressed by said people, (even though it's quite obvious I can sort of fly anyway) considering they have to be in a big vehicle, full of fuel, and fly so fast that the temperature rises so fast, it would suffice to boil my kettle. In 5 seconds!

So my question is – Why do we seem to underestimate them? There will surely be people who say 'I could do that!', yes, but it seems to be most people. To fly around takes an awful lot of bravery and stuff, so everyone can't just say, 'I'm going of for a fly now, in my antique fighter jet. I'll meet you in Newcastle!'

No. To fly, you need to be trained, and either brave or...whatever else you need to be. I mean, the training is pretty gruelling. And for some unknown reason, they televised it at one point. Why? Will some people do anything to get on the telly? Isn't that really what all those so-called 'game-shows' are for? To get every-day people on telly, embarrass them in any way for a cheap laugh? I think so!

So, the moral of this short, 2-minute, one-way discussion is, respect the flying men more. Please, they need it. (At least I think they do. It's always nice to respect people). It's all well and good making various films and TV series about flying men (the main character most likely played by Tom Cruise) arguing and stuff, but I mean to REALLY respect them. In real life, not while staring at Tom Cruise.

So, I hope you enjoyed this little train-wreck of a … whatever this is. Trust me, it looks a lot longer on my writer thing. It really does. Anyway, leave a comment if you can, (also known as R&R to some people) and we'll see how this goes. Really, we will. If it goes well, I just might make this a full series. If you want, you can PM me with episode ideas. I think you all know how to.

I've been Kirby, you've been Person Reading Text, and I'm gonna go...lounge...on my flying star. Bye!


	2. E2 Spin offs

**Kirby's Chat Thing**

**Episode 2 – Spin-off's.**

You may have noticed that once a certain series, be it T.V., books or even a toy range, gets popular enough, some people group together to make a sort of alternation to it. Something that wanders from the plot, and is made for comical purposes only. (As well as making a quick buck.) These bits of 'genius' are all put under the same category – spin-off's.

Yes, every series that's been around to see the birth of the _Dreamcast_ probably has about 5 spin-off's made about it, and those children's tales who've been around to be made into terrible movies all have spin-off's too.

So I was wondering how long it would be before I was mocked endlessly. I probably have about 7 spin-off's, but I was waiting for something even more humiliating to a series of books/games/toys. The _**parody**_.

You may now be thinking, 'Oh for heaven's sake Kirby, parodies are only a little fun and a quick buck-scheme, I thought you'd already done a few yourself.' And I may have. Sure, when it's on a wiz-kid's or an angry tortoise collection's head, I'm alright with it. But when it's on me, it's personal. My friends (or indeed enemies. Or indeed, fan-boys/girls), I fear the vast majority of other semi-fictional characters will laugh forever after. And that, just that by itself, would be enough to de-motivate me from making games ever again.

Of course, on the other hand, it may be an absolute popularity boost! That is also an option. I mean, it worked for Harry Potter now, didn't it? It's a very significant option, and one that may happen. Although, it's a very doubtful option for me right now. I'm struggling to see a good side to my dilemma. I really am.

_LegoMink wanders in and says to Kirby, "But it could happen, all the same, Kirby. Don't let go to that last hope you have of continuing your games and adding to your, probably, vast fanbase all over the world!"_

When did I allow you to come in here?

_Oh, sorry._

No 'sorry's, when did you get permission to be here?

_...I didn't._

That's right.

_I'll be quiet now.  
_

Yeah, you better be. Anyway, that's probably the end of this episode. I don't think I could bear to talk about this subject any longer. Hope you enjoyed it! PM LegoMink your episode ideas, and please comment on how you thought this one was. Was it funny? Boring? Interesting? Dull? Please share so we can (hopefully) make these better!

_Please do so!_

Quiet, LegoMink! This is MY time now!

_...sorry..._

QUIET! So, bye for now!

_Right, so these are probably up and running for a while now. At least until about 12 or so episodes, then that might be the end of the series. So, if you have any ideas, or want a character of your's (also named an OC) in to give their chat about a topic, PM me. _

_If it's an idea, just put something like, 'I think a good idea for Kirby's Chat Thing would be...'. _

_If it's a guest appearance, send me the chat from your character, and I'll publish it alongside Kirby's views on the topic._

_Bye then!  
_


	3. E3 Technology

**Kirby's Chat Thing**

**Episode 3 – Technology**

I was stumped for ideas this week, and then I thought I would discuss (in our latest one-way conversation) some pieces of tech. So, to start, let's talk about laptops.

Laptops. Self-explanatory really. But some people never seem to use them for the purpose they are probably purpose-built for. So why use one? My guess is that they're probably cheaper. And, in humanity's tough economy, every last penny counts.

Also, they're more compact than any PC. And smaller. And have attached monitors, instead of 2 separate pieces of kit. In face, I'm on a laptop right now!

_Kirby...I wouldn't have said that._

Why? What harm can come from me saying the exact make and model of the laptop I'm using to make more conversations?

_Because I would rather my laptop be referred to as 'the laptop' rather than what the manufacturers called it._

Whatever.

_...go on._

Anyway, on to our next topic. Mobiles!

Mobile phones are all the rage, apart from plasmas, laptops, houses, HD, 3D, films, music, books, DIY, money, food, wine, collectibles and video games ...so yeah!

Mobiles are probably the most convenient piece of tech on my list, as well as the smallest, so this shouldn't be hard. Right?

There are loads of mobiles coming out, most notably the new craze, '**smartphones**', examples being the iPhone and the Nokia N8. So the main question is, why do we need all this other stuff on our phones? The phone, text and I guess internet bit are alright, but why do we need all this other stuff? Music, games, stock market info! Surely we don't need them? We survived before without them! And, worse still, today's youth have grown up with smartphones as a way of life. They see it as standard along with houses and computers. So without them, they would probably moan and groan. Endlessly. Every day...

So maybe I've answered my own question. Humans give their youth phones to shut them up, basically. Now I wouldn't know really, but I should probably stop there, mainly because I've dug myself a hole, and I've run out of things to type.

Right, last thing.

Video games!

HA! Probably didn't see that coming! Mainly because I'm a character in a video game myself, and have met such gaming icons as Link and Megaman. That's right, I went to _CAPCOM_ too!

So, where to start. I'm only gonna go through a few, mind you! There's such a huge selection of video game genres now. Like puzzle, action, side-scroller, platformer, multiplayer, RPG, MMORPG, fighting, racing, adventure, shooter, defence, arcade, strategy, tower defence, casual and quiz. And that's just the tip of the gameberg!

Well, I guess I should start at home-ground. That's right, PUZZLE. (Weren't expecting that either, were you? Unless you cheated and read ahead. Cheater.) Puzzles are vastly popular, ranging from simple games like _BEJEWLED_, to mind-benders like _TETRIS_. All become self-explanatory after a while, but still, they're sometimes still a hard son of a gun!

Then there's the vague genre of action games. Action. What makes a game an action game? Fighting? Racing? Guns? Clearly this is too difficult to some up in 6 lines or less, so I'll be brief. Action games seem to be popular. There. Done. Next genre!

_No._

What? You defy ME, LegoMink?

_Of course. You've been through your allotted time-slot on Radio LMink. Now buzz off. It's my turn._

Okay...

_And Kirby leaves you with news that next week's show will feature an OC for both discussion and, maybe, an interview! In the meantime, keep living and sending us your ideas for the show!_

**NEXT WEEK: **An OC!


	4. E4 Jenga

**Kirby's Chat Thing**

**Episode 4 – Jenga**

_Hello and welcome to Radio LM. The time is...um...whatever it is in your country, and it's now time for, The Kirby Chat Show._

Hello again, Fanfictioners or radio listeners, and today I have a very special edition of my show for you. It's my first OC! And with me in the studio is one of my favourites so far. (As he's the only one.) Please show your appreciation for...JENGA!

**Hi everyone! **

So, Jenga, tell the readers/viewers why you wanted to come on here!

**Well, y'know...it's a different thing. I've never been on a show before, so, y'know, ya gotta keep your options open, and try new things.**

Well, it's a pleasure for you to be here. Now, is there anything special you like to do?

**Yes...I admit to playing a few pranks in my time. Not too many, but the odd one.**

Really, because it says here on my copy of your records that you've...

**ALRIGHT! I've done a world record number.**

That's what we all want to hear. Anyway, have you got anything special you want to rant at length about?

**I thought you did that.**

And you thought right. But today, I'm not here to rant at length. I'm here to find out about your past and all that stuff.

**Really?**

Yes...

**Oh right. Well *ahem*, as you all know, I like to play pranks and stuff, I also like purple!**

Purple? Really? ...*snigger*.

**Hey!**

Sorry...it's just, this is a first for me...

**Whatever. Anyway, I like purple - **

HA!

**Shut up! Anyway, I also have a very large family. And a twin, called Jiachi.**

Interesting...and I believe that your sister won't let you permanently dye your hair, so you have to constantly dye it differently.

**Yeah, Hika's her name.**

Indeed. I knew that already, but thanks for letting the other people know.

**No problem.**

Also, you want to be a magician, is that right?

**Yeah, I've always wanted to be a magician. It's a cool-looking job.**

Yeah, I bet Magic Kirby could lend you a helping hand...

**Really?**

No.

**Aww...I had my hopes up then.**

So did I kid. So did I.

**Really?**

No.

**Argh...**

Anyway, I believe your powers centre around magic anyway, right?

**Yeah, they do. Wanna see?**

No, because this is a radio show.

**Oh right, of course...but my powers look awesome though.**

I trust they do. Hey, are you alright...you look pale!

**I know. It's a permanent thing.**

Can't you get tanned, or something?

**That would mean me dying horribly to get even a shade darker.**

Ooo, right...anyway.

**Want me to use my powers to levitate the studio?**

Not really...whoa! Take us down! TAKE US DOWN!

**Okay...PSYCH!**

Agh! Put us down! The microphone guy hates heights!

**Oh right...**

Thank you!

**Always happy to help, Mr Kirby.**

Yeah, I bet. Anyway, any thoughts on today's autocue topic? It's...'Climate Change'.

**Yeah...make sure to cut down on your carbon footprint! It's killing the Earth we know and - **

Sorry, I'll have to cut you off there, as I've just received news of a star exploding near my homeland of Dreamland.

**Really?**

No. How d'ya like THEM apples!

**Good one, Kirby. Good one...**

I know.

_And...cut! Your limit's up Kirby._

Okay. It's bye from me...

**And from me!**

Join us next time, where I'll get to rant more!

_Up next..._


	5. E5 Films

**Kirby's Chat Thing**

**Episode 5 – Films**

…_causing untold chaos in several UK counties. If you've just joined us, the planned film release Kirby with the Attempt to make a quick fortune has been disrupted and will continue production never. Now, the Kirby Chat Show._

Thanks for that cheery note...yeah...anyway, hello to all my 'fans' out there! As you may have already noticed by the 'subtle' intro we had, this one will be about films! Probably. I mean, I'm not in a terribly good mood that my Dreamland feature is stopping production due to reasons of 'the children' and 'national security'.

But enough of that. You don't want to see that, do you? You want to read and see me fume on or explain things about the latest film releases. Well, due to potential flamers spamming the comment box with, or like, 'hw f'in dr3 u say tht b0ut (insert film here), y0u DCK! :( gO dy in4 h0ll LM! :(:(:( DCK!'

Well, before I move on, learn to spell, flamers. Really. And learn to use grammar properly. It's easy if you just give it a chance.

Yes, it's a big risk, so I've tried to avoid giving my personal opinions about the latest films. I'm just going to talk about the latest _methods_ of film-making we've seen over the last..._n_ years.

First, there's the good ways to make a film. Action-packed, interesting scenes that _make _you _want _to sit through an hour and a half of non-stop sitting and watching and paying attention to details. These include...oh wait, I can't do that. That's opinion making.

Then, there's the common way to make a film. Fill it with non-stop special effects. And flashes that could send an non-epileptic seizing. Fatally. I mean, most new films do that, and I think they think it's cool. Well it's not. It's annoying and gives me headaches. Stop it.

Other than those two, there's not really any more generalisations to make about film-making. I mean, it must be difficult to make a film last 90 minutes and still be interesting and exciting. But maybe they're not supposed to. Maybe they just make certain films just to cash in. Maybe...

All in all, film-makers are probably only making films to interest all those people who crave constant shooting, stabbing, gore and overall violence. Or constant vampire shots. ...that's right. Some do.

So...nothing else to say. Except, goodbye. And I leave you with news that my film has started production again...what?...you're joking...really?...oh darn it...it's stopped production again. Well...goodbye.

_Next time, Kirby will do more talking! Coming soon, another one-way conversation on your screens! Empire says 'It's explosive! 5 stars!' The Sunday Times says 'Unmissable!' and the Daily Mail says 'The biggest talk of the **decade**!' Starring Kirby, LM and some words! Don't miss it!_


End file.
